i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My vagina is officially offended.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
