dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
