Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
