she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
