What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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