96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
