I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
