Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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