did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
