Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
