I'm really into asian looking animals
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
