i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize