Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
