Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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