its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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