I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
