Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
