turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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