Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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