Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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