I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize