Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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