the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
