ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
