I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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