Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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