Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
