Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
its liver damage thursday
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
