PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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