i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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