haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
