I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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