I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
