I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
