Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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