Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
