he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
