I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
