I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
