i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
