Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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