you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
