god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
