I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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