Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
