Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
