Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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