Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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