i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
