A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
