There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
