You made me cry and you don't even care
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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