Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
