i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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