Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
