Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
