What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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