I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
