So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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