Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
