I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
