How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
