i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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