people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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