You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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