I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I looked at my own cervix.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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