1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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