whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize