thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
