i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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